I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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