I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
