Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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