i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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