Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
