Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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