after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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