I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
