Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
