I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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