if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
