just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
