dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
