Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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