I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
