i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize