You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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