I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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