She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
