I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize