I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
