people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
