You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
