Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
