hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
