I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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