If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
