why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
