I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
