she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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