She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
