I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
