I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
