I am puke
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
