Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
