Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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