You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm passing your future prison.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
