i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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