Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
