brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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