i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
