Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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