I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Found your dick twin last night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
