There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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