I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
