I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
