im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be