All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
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I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now