i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december