i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed