Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.