we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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