I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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