The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize