I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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