marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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