She is in my trunk
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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