My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You are the jesus of drinking
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
