the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
