I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
