I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
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I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.