Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell