There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate