Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
