It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
