do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
