i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Who died my cat blue again?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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