a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
