her vagine was all disorganized.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
