So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
