I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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