Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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