maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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